The morning after the night before

It’s the morning after Australia Day and I’m walking H in his pram along the path by the beach in Byron Bay. It’s just on 6am and the sun is coming up, so what sort of people do you think you would come across? Did I see young partygoers still reveling or people asleep on the beach?

No I came across a number of Dads doing exactly what I was doing – pushing their child or children through the first light of the day. I didn’t see a single mother doing this. H and I walked for about 45 minutes that morning and I think we saw a dozen different Dads with strollers. I never really interacted with any of these other men aside from the ‘manly nod’ and a brief greeting of “Morning” or “G’day”. However, I analysed them all and I passed judgment on them as to why they were out at that time of the day looking as they did. Many of these Dads looked as if they had enjoyed Australia Day, probably at one of Byron’s pubs watching the cricket, a little too much. Now they had the job of walking their child who had been woken early or had an interrupted night’s sleep because of Dad’s snoring and or late night partying to give Mum a rest and the chance to catch up on some sleep.

After our walk I got back to the motel room we had stayed in the night before and woke Sane Mum from her extra slumber. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and I could have passed the same judgment upon myself as I had just done on all those other Dads. I was unshaven, bleary eyed and generally a little disheveled. The thing is I went to bed at 8pm the night before because we were sharing a room with H and once he was in bed it meant so were we! Ok I’d had a beer and a glass of wine with my dinner and I’d checked the cricket score on my phone once about 8:30. This was as close as I’d come to the big night I’d pictured all these other Dads as having.

I’d passed my judgments on all these other Dads by thinking of the stereotype of what they looked like before 7am on the morning after a public holiday. Was I right about these Dads having had a few the night before or had they had an enforced early bedtime in a tiny motel room with kids asleep in travel cots? Having seen how I looked in the mirror that morning I know I won’t be so quick to pass judgments and label fellow Dads with stereotypes as I was before.

Now don’t get me started on the two pairs of legs I saw coming out the windows of a beat up old car down by Byron’s beach…………………..

Why write a Blog?

 I would have gone back to work today as it is the first day back for teachers at my school. I thought of them all this morning and sent a tweet saying good luck and enjoy the year.

Knowing that they’re all going back to school and I’m staying at home made me think about why I’m writing this blog. Is it because I want to brag about not going to paid work? Is it because I want to be an over-sharer, like so many others in the modern world? Is it because I’m actually scared of the year ahead and spending all my time with an infant and not in the company of adults or older children, as I would do at work? Is it because I want to maybe put something together that will help Dads who are doing the same thing as me? Or is it because I think that spending a bit of time writing each week will help with keeping my mind stimulated?

I guess the answer is a bit of a combination of the last three questions I have written down. Yes – there is unquestionably a fear factor of the unknown for this year and what it holds. However, that is on a sliding scale of scared at one end and excited at the other (most of the time it is more excited – if I called today a scared day I’d say it’s still 70% excited and 30% scared). Have I read some other Daddy blogs and found them useful – yes. So could I contribute to this canon in a meaningful way? I would hope that I could.

In doing both of these things I am stimulating my mind because I am writing and editing (the teacher in me is still not happy with starting the last sentence in the previous paragraph with ‘So’) as well as reflecting upon the choices I am making in being a stay at home Dad. Having spoken to my wife and other people who have spent time off from paid work caring for children they have all talked about wanting to keep their mind stimulated with adult and work ideas. I guess, being a teacher, this blog is similar to work and therefor a great way for my mind to keep ticking over during the time I have off from my paid job.

To all the teachers out there who are heading back to work this week I wish you all the best. Am I jealous of what you’re all going to do this year – to a degree yes. However, I’m far more excited/scared to be a Slightly Mad Dad and spending time with my son.

Making the Decision!

It’s been a few weeks since I finished up in my role as a primary school teacher to take up a year’s leave as a stay at home dad. In many ways it hasn’t sunk in yet as I have been thinking of it as the long break I get every summer and I’ve been able to share it with my wife and son. Now the big difference has been when people ask me what I do, I reply that I’m a stay at home Dad. The response I get from people has been one that has ranged from “That’s amazing,” and “I’m jealous,” to “You’re mad!” I suppose that’s why this blog is called “Slightly Mad Dad” because you do have to be slightly mad to walk away from a paying job that I love into one that has long hours and no pay.

However, the decision to do it was a no brainer. Even before I was married and became a father I think I have always wanted to be a stay at home dad for a period of my child’s life. I’m not sure where the genesis of the idea came from; it seems to have been there for a long time. As a child growing up I was lucky enough that Mum stayed at home but even luckier in the fact that my Dad could often get home early enough for us to spend time playing together. I guess that these formative experiences of having my parents around growing up helped me to realise that it is such an important role and I understand how fortunate we are as a family to be able to do this.

From early in our relationship, even before we were married, I had expressed these ideas to my wife and she was always fully supportive of me being a stay at home Dad. It was broaching the subject with work that could now become the tricky part. Yet once again I was extremely lucky in that I am employed by an institution which is supportive of me taking a year off teaching to be a stay at home Dad. Within a couple of weeks of broaching the subject with my boss (who again was fully supportive and a little jealous too I think!) I had all the paper work done and I was officially taking a year of unpaid leave to be a stay at home Dad.

Once that decision had been made in September I really enjoyed the last term of the school year as I prepared for 2014 and having the year with my son, who is now nearly 11 months old. Added to this pleasure I have also had a fantastic time with my wife as we have enjoyed 7 weeks off as a family and we have another 2 and ½ more before she is required to go back to her paid work. We’ve called it the hand-over period, and while it may have at times seemed indulgent to spend so much time away from paid employment, the joy we have had in sharing time as a family is something that can never be taken away from us and is truly amazing.

So there we have it - I’ve boiled down the last few months into a few hundred words. It seems straightforward now, and in many ways it was, but this once in lifetime opportunity is one that I certainly don’t want to miss. The decision is made and the journey of a year as a “Slightly Mad Dad” has begun.