We recently took H on a brief holiday to
Byron Bay. It was great to spend the time together as a family having a holiday
away from everything in our normal lives. It was even better as a teacher to be
able to say I was going away on holiday the week that school went back!
It was on the first morning of that holiday
away that I passed ‘judgment’ on a few other Dads I saw early in the morning.
It got me thinking about how we pass judgment on ourselves and our anxieties as
new parents. In a nutshell, “How do we see own anxieties and the behavior of
our child in public?”
I think the flight home from Ballina to
Sydney was a great example of this for me. We arrived at Ballina airport,
checked in and did all the plane things that you have to do when flying. However,
it’s only a tiny airport and once you go through security there was no shops or
cafes. While I organised a couple of bottles of water for the flight H, while
being held by his Mum, quite happily stood on a bar next to the glass wall
which separated the departure lounge from the rest of airport. All I could see
was my son blowing raspberries and slobbering all over the glass while making
plenty of his usual grunting sounds. The lady who was working security on the
other side of the glass later said to us it was so funny to watch him having
fun and playing providing her with a big smile to keep her happy at work.
Once we got on the plane I got to see this
again as H sat belted in my lap. He quickly smashed a bottle of formula as we
took off and then promptly started to wriggle and wriggle and wriggle. His Mum
took over holding him and I passed him food. He was ok but wriggled lots while
eating bits of pasta and steamed carrot for his dinner. I noticed he kept
trying to climb over his Mum and look at the people behind her. I turned around
but the lady behind was playing peek-a-boo with him and both of them were
smiling happily. Every time they brought the drinks trolley past the airline
staff smiled happily and engaged with this wriggly little bundle on our laps.
The lady on the aisle also engaged H and chatted to his Mum throughout the
flight. Finally we landed in Sydney and he cried a little as we landed but
sucked a dummy for most of it while giving it his wriggles on my lap. He
finally sat still as he taxied toward the terminal as he watched planes taking
off and he loves seeing planes fly! The wriggling stopped but the excited
grunts started! As we exited the plane the people around all said their
good-byes as did the staff.
What struck me most though was one young
man in his early 20s sitting across from us said how well behaved H had been
during the flight. He hadn’t engaged with us at all. He’d been listening to
music. In fact the only other thing I remember was he looked a little dismayed
to be sitting opposite what was the only infant on a fairly packed flight.
During the two hours of being at the
airport, boarding and flying to Sydney all these people had commented on how H
made them smile or how good he’d been. His Mum and I had seen a little wriggler
who had done his best to exhaust us. Who was right in what they saw? These people who
saw a lovely little boy or his parents who saw the relief in making it back
without a major meltdown?
Once again it’s all about the perception.
Yet when I think about the amount of time H’s Mum puts into the getting things
organised for trips such as this one then I know that more often than not it
will come off smoothly. So when I think about this I really should not think of
the wriggly child who attempted to escape from my lap but remember the little
explorer who wanted to meet so many new friends on his plane trip home. That’s
a perception I want to keep up!
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