The H-Bomb's gone off in his chair!

This parenting thing is a messy business. I knew that when I was getting into it but there are times when I think, “It can’t be THIS messy!” That’s not your standard messy, this is more Jackson Pollock has popped around and done some decorating for you messy.

I am sure that during any performance review Bread Winning Mum (BWM) may have done wearing her HR hat would always have said that keeping things clean and tidy isn’t exactly my specialty. In fact I think I would always be ticking the “Needs Improvement” box myself on any self-evaluation. This one goes back to well before I was married so we won’t even ask my own Mum for her evaluation of my cleaning skills.

However, when confronted with a one year old and his Jackson Pollock inspired mess I think I’m getting a little bit better. Where in the past the few remaining crumbs of the previous meal were left proudly encrusted to the high chair they are now removed with vigorous intent almost before they land. Well – that’s what I say to myself anyway although I’m perhaps not yet that OCD in my cleaning.

Now that he’s turned one H is a big fan of feeding himself. He loves picking food up and stuffing it in his mouth although he does attempt to ingest some food groups through his ear, some through the bend behind his knee and, quite remarkably I think, some get inside his clothes and are ingested through the belly button. Needless to say it’s as messy as my last sentence was long. All this requires cleaning up fairly quickly during eating time or very quickly after. Otherwise it does look like the H-Bomb has gone off in the chair.

Making all this easier is the fabulous Splat Mat we were given by friends. When we received it I wasn’t sure what it was exactly and I phoned up to say thanks and (tactfully and surreptitiously) asked what this thing was because we weren’t quite sure. After it was explained I thought it wasn’t a bad idea. Now I’d say it should be the present of choice that you give to anyone who is about to become a parent for the first time!

Of course sometimes the H-Bomb makes a mess without food. This could be because I’ve failed in my nappy putting on - but you very quickly learn to check and fix the error of your ways. Or even worse you could be on the massage table being manipulated by an osteopath and the H-Bomb regurgitates his morning tea over everyone and everything from his chair. Let’s just say that one didn’t necessarily crack me up.

After five weeks I think when it comes to the cleaning up I might almost venture that I could give myself a better mark on my next performance review. It’s probably not at “Exceeds” just yet but I think I know enough about the mess the H-Bomb makes to know that “Needs Improvement” just doesn’t cut it when cleaning up after an aspiring artist in Jackson Pollock style.